Trust 4

“Trust is not an act of your will, where you choose to risk something, but it is a profound emotional confidence, in which you are completely expecting things to be right.” – Arthur Burk

It has been a while for this update to find you in this new year, but here it is! (written by Ingrid)
The new year was filled with excitement, for my January art show, but at the same time my body seems to get weaker and weaker as time goes by. The feeling of last minute, taking care of things, and not being sure how my energy will be a week from today is always on my mind.

The art show was an absolute highlight in my life and was something that I was really looking forward to.
My dad and his wife were here for the show and and him wearing an orange “support Ingrid” button was something that touched my heart deeply. Him being there, supporting me, being proud of me, is something that every daughter wants, and it was special.
I sold about 90 % of all my pieces (!) and was so happy to see that my babies found a home! I have 2 pieces left… can you believe it! (Check out the prints here)

Being the practical person that I am, having one unremodeled bathroom in our home was just an absolute thorn in my flesh, so selling my art made it possible for us to remodel the bathroom, making it one of my favourite rooms in the whole house. So glad that I got to do that for our kids. Even having the noise of the work going on in the house was just wonderful and made me feel alive (even though I now spend most of my days in bed because of my lack of energy and pain).

Scans have shown that the cancer is continuing to grow and is also back in the liver, there are more spots on the lungs and abdomen. Last week I spent a few days in the hospital because they thought that the tumours were causing an obstruction but the last scan showed that everything is clear.

Ingrid and papa

Ingrid and papa

I spent two nights in the hospital and I was so relieved to be drugged up and without pain. The pain has been really wearing on me and nausea and (lack of) sleep have been my biggest enemies. Not having the pain under control is very discouraging and it is very hard to keep your sense of well being in check. So they actually switched over my meds yesterday and it seems like that change will make a huge difference for me. Instead of taking breakthrough hydromorphone orally I have a “butterfly” attached to my belly and can inject my relief meds into my skin. Overall the palliative nursing staff, pain clinic doctors and nurses have just been soo amazing and helpful. Sooo thankful that I get to live in a country where I can have help like this.

Even being in the hospital was such a relief to have so much help available. Nico and I were shocked after we spent 3 hours in the ER that there was a room available for me (yes in Canada there are patients in the hallway for lack of rooms). Not only that but it was a private room and was actually the room that Henk Boesten (Nico’s dad) passed away in. Seriously? Nico and I were both too shocked to say anything. I asked Lisa what could possibly be the meaning of such coincidence. Out of all the rooms in the hospital? And even the anniversary of his death was coming up in a few days. Lisa felt that Henk and a host of angels were watching over me that night! I had the best sleep ever! And there was so much peace. Thank you God.

My sister and her husband came to visit me and blessed me with so much love and care. The love of a sister is unlike any other kind of love. There is understanding, instinct and a connection that is very natural. And that is just what I needed for this week. Being in pain makes it hard to live. I’m not so much afraid of dying, I’m more afraid of living with pain.
Today they left, and I’m again so thankful that I got to spent such intimate times with them.
My mom is coming on Monday to take care of me and it is so special that I get to have this. I’ve also had some friends come over to just play and sing some music
So please just continue to pray for peace, for wisdom for doctors, pain relief, regular bowels ( yes, I’m asking), good sleep, no nausea, good appetite, and just for my spirit to stay up and stay away from depression.

People have asked us about meals, and ways to help out! We are so thankful that everybody wants to help, and so far we have been pretty good. My mom will be here for about 3 weeks and will take care of meals, but we are always up for a nice meal! Just to give my mom a break here and there. Misha and Nico have also been adventurous in making some meals. So great! We have some people to drive the kids to sports and stuff, but please let us know if you specifically want to do something. We will put you on the list. Ha. Ha.

As for visiting and setting up times, the best way to get in touch is to contact me via Facebook – just send a note.

Thank you sooo much for taking care of us.