Mother’s Day 28
This past Sunday was the mother of all Mother’s Days. What a gift to have Ingrid be able to enjoy her kids & family on a day that made it feel like summer hasn’t abandoned this country yet. Earlier in the day, my sister and I took the kids, my mom, and mom-in-law up to Sparkling Hill for a wicked brunch. It’s always refreshing to eat waaaaay too much bacon and also a treat to double my mom on the motorbike and break the law (only 140 km/h) in the sun.
Ingrid’s dad & Henny flew into town later that afternoon along with her sister, Esther. Pure gold to break the law straight from the airport to room #206 at the hospice house to share some sweet tears and silence while we all just waited for a bit of eye contact from Ingrid. That night, one of the only sentences she was able to make out was “Ik hou van u papa“.
Ingrid never made it home after her initial trip to hospice – we were hopeful to bring her back but this is / has been the best place for her. Her strength is slowly disappearing and every day we’ve watched as she went from being able to take a few steps to now not eating, saying very little, having a catheter, and talking like she just drank 23 beers. She’s a bit confused (due to tumours on her brain they think) but has moments of total clarity and it appears that inappropriate jokes are about the only things that make her smaugh (smile / laugh). Tonight, as we were leaving her room, she put her arm around Misha and whispered “I love you so much.” Frig that was a beauty.
When she first got to hospice she was able to walk and tried to escape a couple of times in the middle of the night. Not Shawshank Redemption style, more Nell style where she took off to the other wing of the hospice house and ended up asking some random woman in another room where she was. My mom, me, Esther and Simone (my sister) have spent nights sleeping over there on a cot that they provide. Ya, $32/night and they don’t even charge you extra for a cot. What a deal. Stick that price in your pipe and try to smoke it Best Western. Now that she doesn’t have the strength to sit up anymore, she lies peacefully as her pump feeds her constant medication and the nurses come every few hours to turn her in order to avoid bruising.
It’s been friggin’ emotional – doesn’t take much to make our eyes leak like a Henry bucket but it’s all part of it. As Jack Handy said, “It takes a big man to cry, but a bigger man to laugh at that man.” So we let ‘er rip as some tears fall in pain, others in amazement, and others in question as to what life will be like…
For now, we have arranged that Ingrid will have someone with her in the room 24-7 with family & close friends taking shifts. For those of you who would like to pass on a message, you can leave a comment below or on Facebook – from time to time we will read the notes to her… even if it is speaking the words to her spirit. The words bring life, so thank you for those. And by the way, your words that are sent to her via email or Fbook message are actually forwarded on to me now so if you have anything private, well, you get what I’m saying.
This past Friday, a friend, photographer, and mentor of Misha’s Jessica Balfour came and took some photos of us together. Sylas really wanted to wheel Ingrid outside and we were able to get her out for a small stroll along the garden. Here are a few of the shots along with a sneak peek at the painting Misha gave her mama for Mother’s Day.
tony hedrick
May 14, 2014 @ 1:19 AM
My thought is this. I wish I would understood who she was when I had the opportunity. I always liked her, admired her but took her for granted. I see from these blogs that I might have enjoyed waters from a very deep well. “Carpe diem.”
Daphne
May 14, 2014 @ 2:11 AM
Ha moppie!! Ik hou van jou! Een grote voorzichtige kus xxx van mij
liefs Daphne
ik ben zo ontzettend blij met ons bezoek aan jou en je mooie gezin. Ook een grote kus voor Nico, Misha en Sy!!
Travis Collinson
May 14, 2014 @ 2:17 AM
Through out my journey iv’e been slowly surrounding myself with kind loving people. To have you(Ingrid) in my life has been the biggest blessing for me. You, your friends and family are simply put “beautiful”. I have no other words to describe you. the strength, courage, and faith you show everyday are awe inspiring and pause the rest of the craziness of this world we live in.
I send you peace and love and wish I could take pain.
love your friend
Travis
Noemi Hedrick
May 14, 2014 @ 7:12 AM
She is beautiful…in every sense of the word. I remember her rallying the ladies of bethany for a girl band way back in the day. She made me laugh so much. I’m inspired by her life of art and passion.
Angela
May 14, 2014 @ 7:27 AM
‘Not To Be Read at 7:17am’ may have been a good title. Just sayin’…in case you need any inspiration for your next blog post, Nico! Tears are streaming. Sadness and joy. I have met you only a few times, Ingrid. I consider it a great privilege to have met you and to have read all of your and Nico’s posts. Your life has changed mine. Truly.
I knew Nico when he was a little boy – a time when we were all so beautifully unaware of the painful roads we would have to walk in the future. It appears that wherever Nico went and whatever he did after our brief time together in elementary school, he was well-prepared for this season of his life. You’re inspiring, Nico. A leader. A picture of love. What a gift you must be to Ingrid and your family. I’m glad you’re crying too and letting this all wash through you and over you. I’m praying for you….for you all. May God’s goodness envelop your hearts and may you have the gift in these upcoming days, weeks and years to see and hear with His eyes and ears. xoxo Angela Laing
Nancy Sells
May 14, 2014 @ 7:36 AM
Dearest Nico & Ingrid,
Along with the many, many others, I’m standing with you guys in thoughts and prayers. I hope you know how much you have touched us all just by the way you are walking through this. I don’t think I will ever forget how you, Ingrid, have fought this fight and done it with grace and beauty beyond your years. One of the scriptures that has been a big encouragement to me is Isaiah 46:3-4“
Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all the remnant of the house of Israel,
who have been borne by me from before your birth,
carried from the womb;
4 even to your old age I am he,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.
One of the first times I read this the translation said, “A load on me from your birth” And it hit me, just the thought of God carrying me…not just that he carries me but that he has felt the weight of my frame from the day I was born and He has carried that frame and he promises to keep carrying, keep carrying, keep carrying…until it is brought to safety. ” I have made and I will bear”
I’m thankful for his promise to be carrying you right now Ingrid. Know that so many prayers are with you now…
Blessings & Peace, until another day and place.
Much love
Nancy
Melody Lahmann
May 14, 2014 @ 7:55 AM
There are few people who imprint on your life, but you, dearest Ingrid, are one of them. I met you and Nico briefly through my sweet friend Deirdre, and although our visits were few, your joy and zest for each other and for all that life had to offer still is something that brings me a smile. There aren’t words to say as you walk through this part of your journey, but please know that you all are loved deeply and we stand with you in your grief, hoping somehow to bridge the gap between the pain you feel and the hope we have to see you, sweet Ingrid, one day again. Thank you for sharing your story and for showing us the true beauty of a warrior sister. Peace to you today and in the days to come~
Kim Johnson-McMechan
May 14, 2014 @ 9:05 AM
You guys are so beautiful. Thanks for keeping us out-of-towners in the loop. So much love to you Ingrid! Thinking of you all day long.
xoxoxox
Birgit
May 14, 2014 @ 10:36 AM
Dear Ingrid
You don’t know me but I do know you oh so well. For years Simone has been talking about you,being one of your biggest fans. I have been following your path for a long time now and can only say what so many others do: you are an inspiration. I am in awe of how you have dealt with this card you got played. I know you don’t know me but I think of you every day. I am taking a deep breath when bullshit things are overwhelming me and thinking of you and your incredible family. You are all so strong.so beautiful. Good luck on your journey ingi,I am sure it will take you to an amazing place. Much love , Birgit
Martine
May 14, 2014 @ 10:36 AM
We think of you all every day and are praying for you. We love you Ingrid and know that Gods peace and his Love surround all of you. Thank you Nico for these awesome posts and pictures.
Love Martine, Regine and Matty. And the rest of the gang aswell!! Hugs and Kisses!
Shona Mckinley
May 14, 2014 @ 10:40 AM
Can hardly see these beautiful photos through my tears. What a family, what a beautiful life! My heart is simply on its knees.. so much love
Shona
(Simones friend)
Sonja en Eric de Groot
May 14, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Dear Ingrid & Nico,
you are in our prayers. We think about you a lot.
May God give you peace and carry you each step of the road to come.
Er blijven geloof, hoop en liefde – maar de grootste onder hen is de liefde !
Love, Eric, Sonja and kids
Taren Walters
May 14, 2014 @ 1:25 PM
Nico and Ingrid,
I’m so sadden to hear what your family is going through. Recently my family has been going through difficult times, today I came across this and would like to share it with you as well. “God promises a lamp to our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. We don’t need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know He leads us. As Hebrews 4:16 promises, “we will find grace to help us when we need it.”
I pray God will lead your family to peace and comfort.
Larissa Keller
May 14, 2014 @ 2:07 PM
Talitha kum. Ingred you have always been a powerhouse of life and talent, the beauty of your gifting is that you brought others into your stream like the rip tide or a get stream. I love you and your family. I owe you more than I can repay your blessing has been that profound in my life so thank you. I will feast with you and your family in the rooms our Lord has prepared when every tear is whipped from our eyes by God’s hand; then we’ll PARTY for REAL!
Love Fovever;
Larissa
Trisha Robins
May 14, 2014 @ 3:28 PM
We haven’t really ever had a good visit. I hardly know you, but it’s funny because there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you at least a few times. When I look at your pictures and read your blogs, they move me deeply, and I imagine what it would be like if it were my journey. I believe I wouldn’t walk it as gracefully as you are. I often remember the words you spoke to Jamie and I at the stair case when Henk was leaving. They are not clear, but I remember your strength at that moment so well, and the confidence you had…’everything will be okay, even if we have to say good bye’.
I know that right now you are okay, that you’re in His peace, resting in that undeniable strength you showed that day. It makes all the difference for me, especially for those who have so tenderly tucked you away safe inside their hearts.
I still like to say though, “It’s not over ’til its over, and even then it’s not over. Your still breathing, so i’m still believing. We just never know, He is full of wonderful surprises!
XOXO Love Trisha
Sara Pitt
May 14, 2014 @ 4:36 PM
Bonjour ma petite Ingrid! I didn’t meet you that long ago, but you immediately included me in your life, family and even musical opportunities in our church! We walked together along Mission Creek for a season and got to know your “new” puppy at the time! Pizza evenings and deep fried turkey outside at Thanksgiving and one relaxing Easter soaking up the sun! Someone to share my dry sense of humour with to boot! I am grateful. Gros bisous, Sara xxxx
Tavia
May 14, 2014 @ 9:31 PM
Ingrid, you are such a beautiful woman, in every way. Your life touched mine, as it has,so many others. Thank you for who you are; honest, loving, wise and an amazing example of how we should live. We all love you. Xo
Tavia Cahill
marry
May 15, 2014 @ 1:23 AM
lieve schatten, het is zo gek om zo ver van jullie verwijderd te zijn en toch voel ik me heel dichtbij dankzij je mooie blog Nico, ben in gedachten zoveel met jullie bezig, met jullie verbonden, een hele dikke kus voor Ingrid, maar ook voor jullie allemaal, hou van jullie, Marry
Betty Tolsma
May 15, 2014 @ 3:39 AM
Wij wensen jou, Ingrid, Zijn Shalom (volledigheid, welzijn, welstand, vrede,volledigheid (van getal),gezondheid, veiligheid (van lichaam), welzijn, voorspoed, vrede, rust, tevredenheid, welbevinden, vriendschap)
Dikke kus, Dirk en Betty
Melanie
May 15, 2014 @ 9:07 AM
I remember when I first met you Ingrid… it was at your F**k cancer party. I’d already known Nico a while, just hadn’t met you. I walked into your house and saw you look at me thinking who’s this? I introduced myself and said sorry for crashing your party! You said, no way, you are not crashing… and welcome! Then you shared a Cosmo with me:) I have enjoyed the small amount of time I have spent in your presence.. you are truly special.
Rachel Kamalova
May 15, 2014 @ 10:33 AM
Ingrid, I have always loved you and I am so proud of the way you have trusted the Lord through your sickness with your life and the lives of your family. Thank you for your honesty… Always! Thank you for your love and for speaking life and truth and hope even as you were in the midst of life’s mess as well. Thank you for giving your life to the Lord and letting Him live and love through you. You are fantastic! I love you and am honored to be your friend and have your love. Bless you! And Nico, Misha and Sylas I love you and am so glad you have such an amazing wife/mother who is such a testimony of God’s goodness, Grace, peace, love and life. Bless you all. I love you!
Diane
May 15, 2014 @ 2:27 PM
Ingrid, I am so glad I got to know you almost 20 yr ago!! TJ kept me up on what you were up to and then when she died you and I reconnected on FB. I am glad that I have been able to pray for you and to hear all that you have been doing. I continue to pray for you and your family. Unless the Lord intervenes you will see TJ before me, tell her “Hey!”. As Nolie said about Tammy (TJ), it will seem long for us but for her it will be just a minute til we are ALL together. Jesus is holding you all in His everlasting arms. Blessings dear sister in Christ, Diane
Maike
May 16, 2014 @ 2:09 AM
…alles al gezegd… en eigenlijk Ingrid, in mijn hartje wil ik je alleen maar vasthouden en nooit meer los laten!!! ….en in de praktijk, ben ik in gedachtes, tranen en gebed heel veel bij jullie daar in het vere Canada….dus, heel veel liefs! + weer een kusje voor Ingrid!! maike
Arjan & Ada
May 16, 2014 @ 2:41 PM
Dear Ingrid, Nico, Gerrie & kids,
Words cannot express the emotion and sorrow and also joy when we read about
Ingrid’s journey throughout her illness. We are certain that she has touched many
hearts and she still does. She is now nearing the end of her journey and when God
calls her home, you know, that she is at a place where there is no pain, nor sadness.
May the Lord bless you all! Love, Arjan & Ada
Luc
May 17, 2014 @ 7:51 AM
Nic,
Fucked up man!
Ing was such a force to be reakoned with, you wouldve thought the cancer would run in fear of her (as i sometimes did!)
She was one if those people who really taught me something in life, like how to argue and not dislike each other, and like u, how to laugh in all circumstances! God, wat was ze een tof wijf!!
Hang in there!! Xx luc
Kurt Lightner
May 17, 2014 @ 1:59 PM
I really hadn’t heard about the situation. Very moved by the story and your writing.
I’m coming at this after reading about Ingrid’s passing. So many emotions you must be riding.
You’re a good man, Nico. I’m so sorry for this kind of life transition.Certainly you have spent plenty of time over the past 4 years attempting to piece together a logical explanation, a reason why.
But then, perhaps not. I hope peace for you.
Be well,
Kurt
Marnie Verge
May 17, 2014 @ 4:48 PM
Dear Nico and family,
May God give you the strength and the wisdom to get through this most difficult time. Ingrid was a true inspiration and a blessing to so many. Please remember to take care of yourselves…Ingrid would want that.
Blessings on you and your beautiful family,
Marnie (friend of Henk and Lisa)
Hannie
May 22, 2014 @ 8:10 AM
So thankfull for these pictuers!