Crappy ²²

According to Urban Dictionary, the definition of CRAPPY is used a great deal when voicing your opinion on sub-par and shoddy things; like homework on thanksgiving or your little brothers finger paintings.

Sorry to piss on your post-Canada Day celebrations but in short, last Thursday, we heard some crappy news.

Ingrid had a CT scan 2 months ago with 3 mischievous little spots on her lungs. It could’ve been left over shrapnel from her liver surgery, could have been some drips from a milkshake on the camera, or it could’ve been something way crappier.

Turns out, the 3 spots are (and were) cancerous. They were a few millimetres in size & all contained on the one lung. Now they have all grown (the one is 1.5 cm), there are several others we can now see, and they have spread to the other lung. In total, there are about 8 spots we can see (check out the shot of the computer screen – the BEFORE shot is on the right).

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

The oncologist wants her to rock the chemo train right away and surgery is not recommended – it’s a little futile when the cancer (which started in the colon) is in the blood and has already spread to the liver & now the lungs. Chemo could buy you a little more time at best.

We have been given books, advice, remedies, contacts, hours & hours of videos / solutions / cures which have all been given in love. We are still looking at a couple of different options including a hero surgeon in Dresden, Germany who apparently has some sweet skills and can perform an innovative surgery for the cost of a small house on a lake. Again, there are no guarantees or permanent cures.

The main thing is that we are going to be making decisions based on peace – we have to feel peace. To some (including the oncologist), chemo is a no-brainer. To others, surgery in Dresden is also a no-brainer. It’s just not that simple.

This weekend we had to try to explain to our friends and family what’s going on and be realistic. I (Nico) am not interested in believing fluff. I’m not optimistic, I’m realistic. Ingrid is fighting for her life and has not given up. It’s a crappy prognosis but there is hope. In reality, we are looking to find peace in the struggle (as Kevin Prosch sings about).

The hardest thing has been telling our kids what’s going on – we want them to be fully in the loop while still helping them not to live in fear. And of course, your thoughts go all over the place when thinking about their potential future.

We know that we are surrounded by amazing people and aren’t interested in living under a cloud of pity. Ingrid is a tough woman (the strongest I know) and if there is an ass that needs to be kicked, I’m confident she’s able to.

Ingrid & the kids will be heading to Holland for a month while I join them for 10 days in July. There’s a bunch of stuff up in the air with this including a permanent resident card that needs to come in and a few ongoing medical questions that linger daily. You know, the usual.

So, may you have peace as we do and of course, thanks for the prayers, emails, and single malt scotch. It’s a good time to be alive.

* Zen drawing by Misha Boesten