Every year, if you’re like me, you’ll be scrambling for something really awesome and meaningful to do for your mom. I suck at coming up with stuff but I did some brainstorming and have come up with 10 helpful / useless ideas for you to use / discard.
1. Get some overpriced flowers.
They are as expensive as hell on Mother’s Day but your mother went through hell to have you so just shut up and buy a big stack of them. While you’re at it, get a useless teddy bear to go with it.
2. Write an emotionally confusing card.
I normally go pretty serious but the ol’ “Velvet Hammer” is the best move:
STEP 1: Get a really funny / inappropriately rude card.
STEP 2: Write something that’ll tug at the heart strings inside. Don’t put cash in there though, that’s a bit tacky. Tic tacs are always nice though.
*If you don’t have time to go to the store, sending an e-card is just as meaningful. I recommend this site.
3. Make a super sweet video.
Best place to do this is by slapping together a few pics from the past, throw in some tear-jerking tune like “Home” or anything by Michael Buble and post it to Youtube. If you don’t own or know what a Mac computer is, allow myself to introduce you to Animoto (
your new video-making best friend). If you don’t have time for this, just email her a link to “Home” by Michael Buble and add a quick note saying “I really love you mom and thinking about when we lived together in the same home. This song reminds me of you before the divorce”.
4. Make up a coupon.
I’m not talking a gift-certificate because that’s what you get someone when you’re invited to their birthday party and you don’t know them that well but you know they throw really great parties with free drinks. Make up a coupon that says something like “Free breakfast to IHOP on any cheap Wednesday 1/2 price breakfast day”. See, it’s waaaaay more personal than a GC.
5. Go mini-golfing.
This is all about letting your mom relive her childhood. Even if mini-golfing wasn’t invented when she was a child, this game is magic. It’ll let you talk a bit, prove to her that you’ve got your anger issues under control, and for the love of God, let her win.
6. Print out a picture puzzle.
This one will be way out of the question for most dudes (including myself) because it takes about 4 days of planning. But for those OCD, plan-heavy, futuristic photo-organizing types who would love to see a framed puzzle of you hugging your mom when you were a puberty squeak hanging on your mom’s wall every time you’re at her house, go ahead and get something printed at the Printerstudio, Staples, or some other place that does this. I’ve never done it and never will and you probably won’t either but it seemed like a smart suggestion.
Take a day off from dropping F bombs around or at her. Just a day. It’ll go a long way (at least for a day) and prove to your mom that she raised a really respectable person.
8. Fbook your love for your mom.
Nothing says that you love your mom more than a status update that says “My mom kicks ass”… just make sure you tag her in the post so you know she saw that all your friends saw it. If she’s not on Facebook, you can give her the gift of Facebook this Mother’s Day.
9. Buy her something useless for the kitchen.
Every mom could use one more set of cheap egg holders, a spatula, or a hot plate that says “Mom, you’re hot” on it. On second thought, ignore this suggestion. On third thought, let’s just keep it in here because it’s the THOUGHT that counts. If she argues with you, tell her that you’ve just been reading The Five Love Languages and “gifts” are just not your language. Be careful not to get angry though for fear of ruining #7.
10. Remind her that she can move in with you.
It’s got to be incredibly comforting to know that your son / daughter wants you to move in with them when you get too old to hold in your pee. Even if there’s no way in hell you’d have your mom live in the same house with you, just tell her you can’t wait to share your room with her. She deserves it (see #1).
In conclusion, my only suggestion is “Don’t do nothing”. And for the record, my mom does kick ass.